Comedian to Watch

Have you heard of Jerry Seinfeld? He's kind of a big deal. If you're talking about a successful comedian this is the guy to talk about. He has sold out the biggest venues in the country with his stand-up for over 20 years, pioneered one of the most viewed sitcoms in television history, is currently an executive producer for a comedy series on NBC (The Marriage Ref), and one other minor detail; he is worth is approximately 800 million dollars. So if your only impression of Jerry Seinfeld is Bee Movie then please take a second and check out the links below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MarBVyZVe9s (Halloween)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzE7xN65E7Q&feature=related (Airport)

Hot Wheels

POLICE nabbed a trio of thieves in southern Sweden after they used wheelchairs as getaway vehicles but literally forgot to cover their tracks.

Ttwo men and a woman allegedly cleaned out two basement storage areas of an apartment, Swedish news website The Local reported, citing the Kvallsposten newspaper.

Police caught up with them after they followed tracks in the snow left by two of the wheelchair-bound suspects.

"People had seen them at the spot, but they had managed to escape. However, since two of them were in wheelchairs, they did not get very far.

The tracks were not difficult to follow in the snow. We did not even need a dog," Leif Nilsson, a police officer, told Kvallsposten.

The suspects were all previously known to police, but none were known to have used wheelchairs before.

Something tells me these aren't top tier criminals. They might as well have run with weights tied to their feet. Do you think they tied chains to the wheels to get better traction at least?

Given that these three were all making their getaway in wheelchairs I don't think they could have "cleaned out" any storage areas. That is unless they were dragging the things with the wheelchairs... which actually sounds about right for these criminal masterminds.

Hopefully next time they try a stunt like this they will be smart enough to at least use scooters.

And I occasionally make a spelling error or Ttwo but I'm not paid to write. Everyone involved with this story did a great job.

We Live in Dangerous Times

Pack your tea set away because... things are getting crazy?

I can't say I understand this at all.

Best Worst Gifts

It's the holiday season and I have spent a lot of time searching online for great gifts. Unfortunately, I am distracted by the not so great gifts. So in the spirit of the holidays I have created a brief list of things to not buy for your friends or family this year.

1. The Phubby (wrist cubby)

The Perfect gift for someone who loves wristbands but always wishes they were just a little bit longer. But not quite as long as a sleeve. By the way "wrist" and "cubby" doesn't turn into phubby when combined.

2. Clear Tub from Tummy Tub

Perfect for those parents that want to wash their babies in buckets but don't own a bucket yet.

3. The World's Largest Gummy Bear

This is five pounds and 12,600 calories of intense gummy. A great gift for someone who wants a giant sticky mess to deal with and to feel like they're eating a small child.

4. Nose Shower Gel Dispenser

For the adult that never wants to get laid.

5. Peanut Butter and Jelly of the Month Club

If you know someone who hates buying peanut butter at the grocery store and sometimes is bothered with purchasing jelly too, then you can get them this! Make sure peanut butter and jelly aren't on their grocery list ever again.

Nice Legs

(AP) PRAGUE (AP) - Authorities say that life-sized cardboards of female police officers in miniskirts placed alongside roads have managed to slow down speeding drivers in several central Czech towns.

The mayor of the town of Mrakotin, Miroslav Pozar, said Thursday drivers, including him, automatically slow down when they see such officers.

Pozar dismissed allegations this was because the drivers want to look at the officer's legs, rather than her uniform.

No they aren't looking at her legs. They are looking at her personality.

There's a reason it's a woman in a skirt and not a fat guy in trousers. For some strange reason people fail to notice fat men as much as they notice a nice pair of personalities. It's not even just men noticing. Women love to compare their personalities with other personalities.

Everyone is Stuck on Their Phone

Pay attention to your kid!

Comedian to Watch

Awkward, weird, short, make you think kind of jokes. Steven Wright is the king and the father of this style. He paved the way for comedians like Mitch Hedberg and Demetri Martin.

Check him out through the links below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1HYUyhujl4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVjVt98iHkQ&feature=related

Sexist

Like other freshman lawmakers, newly elected Florida Rep. Frederica Wilson ran for Congress on a vow to change Washington. But her first order of business has nothing to do with health care, education or the usual mix of issues that come up in the early days of a new Congress.

Instead, Wilson's first goal is to overturn a rule that blocks her from wearing a hat on the House floor. The freshman Democrat is pressing incoming House Speaker John Boehner to overturn the rule, which dates back to the 1800s, or at least to make an exception for her. But it's unclear whether Boehner -- who, in any event, will likely have plenty of priorities ahead of a rule-change request from a member of the opposition party -- could do anything, shy of a full floor vote, to overturn the House's hat ban.

You see, Wilson doesn't own just a hat or two. By her count, the former Florida state House member owns at least 300 different hats, including custom-made sequined cowboy hats in virtually every color of the rainbow. Her hat collection is so massive, it takes up an entire room of her house, per the Miami New Times (which offers a photo gallery of Wilson's 25 best hats). "I've been wearing them almost 30 years," Wilson tells Politifact. "It's like a fetish."

Wilson is rarely photographed sans hat, but last week, she was forced to remove one of the more demure chapeaus in her collection, a black sequined cowboy hat, when posing for her congressional ID. The same thing happened when Wilson posed for an official group photo with other freshman members of Congress.

"It's sexist," Wilson told the Miami Herald's Lesley Clark. The chamber's hat ban "dates back to when men wore hats" Wilson explained, "and we know that men don't wear hats indoors, but women wear hats indoors. Hats are what I wear. People get excited when they see the hats. Once you get accustomed to it, it's just me. Some people wear wigs, or high-heel shoes or big earrings or pins. This is just me."

So far Boehner hasn't responded to Wilson's request. And his office is unsure whether Boehner can waive the rule. A spokesman for the House Rules Committee tells Politifact he believes the hat ban would likely have to be overturned by a vote of the full House.

"It's just me. It's who I am. Nothing will change that. I am who I am. I love hats. I am a hat. I AM HAT!"

What is your problem Frederica? Is it that your name is Frederica? You're going to have to move past that or change your name. And I hate to burst your bubble but you are in fact, not a cowboy. No, I'm pretty sure a black woman from Florida is as far from being a cowboy as you can get. Not to mention that cowboys knew when they went indoors, they take their hats off.

I would agree this is sexist though. It' as outrageous as asking women to wear restrictive and restraining shoes when they go to work, like a man would. But what if a woman happens to be a sandal person? They have hundreds of different sandals and flip flops that fill a whole room. It's who they are dammit. What will they do!?

Oh, they get over it because they're at work. Get it Freddy?

itunes holdouts

There are still a few artists that have refused to release their music on itunes, such as AC/DC, Garth Brooks, Kid Rock, Def Leppard, and Bob Seger. I have always wondered why these artists have not allowed their music to be sold on itunes and in case you were wondering too I have the answers.

Garth Brooks
Brooks walked away from his career near the height of his fame, so the fact he doesn't allow iTunes to sell his catalog isn't surprising. "They truly think that they're saving music," Brooks said in 2009. "My hat's off to them. I looked at them right across the table with all the love in the world and told them they were killing it. And until we get variable pricing, until we get album-only (downloads), then they are not a true retailer for my stuff, and you won't see my stuff on there — with all the love in the world. That's nothing that they haven't heard, either."

Bob Seger
Seger's early catalog isn't even available on CD. "We would love to have our catalogs included on iTunes," his manger Punch Andrews told Rolling Stone in 2008. "But the record labels have chosen to disregard the provisions of their record contracts, which never contemplated this form of song licensing." There are rumors he's finally going to release his first four albums on CD sometime next year, but they will probably only be available in physical stores.

Def Leppard
Def Leppard's dispute with iTunes is more about money than artistic principles. "We signed our deal with Universal back in 1979; this obviously wasn't part of the deal," singer Joe Elliott told Blender in July. "Once a deal is in place that pays a royalty that we believe is fair, we'll have music for sale on iTunes. We're trying to be civil about it, and we're hoping our label and ex-label work together so that our fans can buy our music online."

AC/DC
The Australian hard rock gods don't even have a greatest hits CD, so allowing their songs to be on iTunes would be a big stretch. "Maybe I'm just being old-fashioned, but this iTunes, God bless 'em, it's going to kill music if they're not careful," AC/DC frontman Brian Johnson told Reuters in 2008. "It's a...monster, this thing. It just worries me. And I'm sure they're just doing it all in the interest of making as much...cash as possible. Let's put it this way, it's certainly not for the...love, let's get that out of the way, right away."

Kid Rock
Kid Rock managed to score a gigantic hit in 2008 with "All Summer Long" despite the track (along with all of his major-label albums) not being on iTunes. He thinks it forced fans to buy the album, making him even more money. "I have trouble with the way iTunes says everybody's music's worth the same price," Rock said earlier this year. "I don't think that's right, there's music it out there that's not worth a penny. They should be giving it away, or they should be making the artist pay people to listen to it. There's other stuff that's worth a little more. That's the great thing about America, we're not scared to pay what something's worth."



Ok I get it now. Def Leppard and Bog Seger are so old they didn't even forsee CD's, let alone the internet, and AC/DC is somehow even older. They remind me of grandparents that don't really get what the internet is so they assume it's black magic. How can itunes kill music Mr. Johnson? Please elaborate with a point beyond that of which the love isn't there, like it is in a Coconuts or Sam Goody.

I suppose you could answer my question with Garth Brooks' statement. A fair enough reason to be opposed to itunes. That's how artists make their money, selling the whole album and not just a few songs at a time. But you know how you could get people to buy your whole CD Garth? Don't include bad songs. Nothing pisses people off more than when they spend their money and get an awful product. And that is exactly what a 15-song album with 2 good songs on it is. You're old Garth.

But Kid Rock makes a very good point. He should be paying me to listen to his music because as he said, Americans aren't afraid to pay what something is worth. Pay up cowboy.

Poop Freeze

What do you do when your dog poops in the yard?

Freeze it.

Why?

Because it's nicer to pick up cold poop.


Available at http://www.amazon.com/Poop-Freeze-Aerosol-Spray/dp/B000CMKPDI

Comedian to Watch

This gentleman goes by the name of Bill Burr. You may know him from the racial draft, the world series of dice, or his great stand-up comedy. I've actually had the opportunity to meet and speak with him and he's a great guy.

Also, there are only a few comedians that have material in their act that gets me upset because I didn't say first and Bill Burr is one of them. Check out some of his stuff through the links below.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imZ52DHBtug

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnOg01N1u3w&feature=related

That's a Little Much

(AP) DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. (AP) - A Florida woman and her boyfriend have been charged with trying to sell her infant grandson for $30,000.

Florida Department of Law Enforcement agents arrested 45-year-old Patty Bigbee and 42-year-old Lawrence Works on Friday in Daytona Beach after they met with an agent posing as a buyer. Both were charged with illegal sale or surrender of a child, and Bigbee was also charged with communication fraud.

FDLE agent Wayne Ivey said an investigation began last month after an informant told authorities the woman was trying to sell the baby. Authorities say the woman originally wanted $75,000 but was talked down to $30,000.

The child's mother is currently incarcerated on unrelated charges.

The infant has been turned over to child welfare officials.

Authorities said they didn't know if Bigbee or Works had an attorney.



I've said it before and I'll say it again. You can't trust an old lady, they're shifty. Just look into their eyes and you know they are plotting something. It could be about how they are going to "accidentally" cut you in line, or how they will "mistakenly" stomp their cane on your foot, or they could be plotting to sell your children.

The most disappointing thing about this situation is the old lady couldn't even make the sale. If you're selling your grandson you might as well do it big. Don't wimp out. I bet she'd pay full price for a "solid gold" necklace from Chinatown too.

Unless it's the kid's fault for crying too much about going into white slavery. If so, that is just outright inconsiderate. Doesn't this kid care about his grandmother's well being at all? 75 G's can get granny a lifetime of all you can eat buffets at Golden Corral and all the Pall Malls she will ever need.

Bad Cop

(AP) JACKSON, Wyo. (AP) - Officials in Wyoming want people to be on the lookout for a black box with white lettering that says "METH," after a deputy lost a stash used to train police dogs.

Teton County sheriff's Sgt. Lloyd Funk said the deputy accidentally left the box on a bumper after a canine training exercise Oct. 27. It contained nearly an ounce of methamphetamine. The deputy drove off with the drugs perched on the vehicle.

The Jackson Hole News & Guide reported that officers literally trying to get drugs off the street haven't been able to find the box. Anyone with information is being asked to call the sheriff's office.

Sheriff Jim Whalen says someone possessing the amount of meth that was lost would face a felony charge. Whalen says his office is taking action to make sure the mistake isn't repeated.



I've made my fair share of mistakes at my job but I don't think any have made people nearly as happy, or want to scratch their skin off their face, as much as this mistake. Bravo law enforcement. You were playing with a big ol box o drugs and lost it. If you care about your things you have to take care of them! Didn't your mother ever teach you that. And it was an ounce. I don't know a whole lot about meth, evident by my full set of teeth and my lack of burn marks, but I'm pretty sure an ounce is overkill. But the mistake won't be repeated, which is French for we are going to fire this imbecile faster than Lindsay Lohan grabs the crack pipe after rehab.




By the way... Do you know how I know meth is a terrible drug? I search "meth" in google images and feel nauseous. Try it out, it's a good time.

Comedian To Watch

The late, the great, Mitch Hedberg. Nothing but one liners makes for a very impressive set, granted not all of them are winners. He pulls it off though. Check him out on these youtube links.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-zFQ9fOTSU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IueXtzdC6kA&feature=related

Lock and Load

HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) -- A woman in Connecticut is facing charges for allegedly sending her 12-year-old son to school with a BB gun and a folding knife so he could protect himself from bullies.

Police say 38-year-old Sylvia Mojica (moe-HEE'-kuh) of Hartford has been charged with risk of injury to a minor. She is expected to appear in court on Friday.

Mojica allegedly gave her son the BB pistol and the folding knife to bring to school on Friday. The boy told school officials that he had the items in his backpack.

Administrators say the boy now faces a suspension or even expulsion. They are also investigating the bullying allegations.

It was not immediately clear if Mojica had a lawyer.

What a great mother. Straight-up risk taker. The boy wasn't even warned to not tell teachers he was carrying weapons. Why? Because she isn't scared of anything. She's the kind of woman that goes for it on fourth and long and sings her own viscous versions of lullabies to her children.


Hush little baby don't be scared,
mama's gonna equip you with fresh hardware

And if that hardware does not strike,
mama's gonna get you a sharp new knife

And if the brand new knife gets broke,
mama's gonna get you some rope

And if that strong rope rips in half,
mama's gonna give you a hammer for class

And if you get caught with that hammer,
mama's gonna go straight to the slammer

And if you go get yourself caught,
mama's gonna wish that you had just fought.

What's More Riveting Than Quilting?

I Like to Party

NICEVILLE — A man who tried to enter the Mullet Festival without paying the $10 admission fee was arrested.

Niceville Police were called to the vendor parking area at the festival after a man tried to re-enter the event after leaving it, according to an arrest report from the Niceville Police Department.

When the officer approached the man, he smelled “the distinct odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from his person and mouth,” the report stated.

The officer told the man he was being trespassed from the event for illegal entry, but the man refused to leave.

He was eventually arrested and charged with disorderly intoxication and trespassing after a warning.

Could you really expect anything else at a mullet festival? Anyone with a mullet at least parties half of the time. Business in the front party in the back. Maybe he got confused and he thought it was "party when you go back."

They reported that he had alcohol on his breath as if it was even necessary. I pretty much always assume anyone with a mullet is going to have alcohol on their breath. That and a strong love of Budweiser.

Niceville, home of the mullet festival and less than 10 percent minorities. Fantastic.

Country Clubbin

ESTERO, Fla. — A woman is under arrest after getting in a fight in a taxicab at Stoneybrook Country Club early Sunday morning.

The sheriff's office report says deputies arrived on the scene to find Jessica Nicole Hincapie and Anna Lemoine fighting.

According to the report, Hincapie was asked repeatedly to stop but refused.

When deputies placed Hincapie under arrest, she allegedly said, "You are in trouble because I am a New Yorker and my brother is CSI" and "My dad paid cash for my Toyota Corolla and I am too rich to go to jail."

Even as she was being taken to jail, deputies say she continued to tell the deputy he was going to be in serious trouble for arresting her.

Hincapie is charged with disorderly conduct.

Her brother is not a part of CSI, he IS CSI. The soundtrack to his life IS a song by The Who. Big mistake Mr. Policeman. You don't have any idea who you're messing with. This bitch drops cash on Corollas.

I mean this diva's daddy drops cash on Corolla's. If that's not big time I don't know what is. Unless daddy is bringin the bills to take home a Civic! Whaaattt, I know it's too much. No one can afford that (wants to do that). How can someone with a daddy so rich go to jail? Oh wait, she covered that. She actually can't go to jail, even though Lil Wayne, Plaxico Burress, and Martha Stewart got sent to jail. Her name is Jessica Nicole Hincapie, her brother is a pinball wizard, and her father has at least ten grand in his savings. These are the Hincapies everyone.

Comedian to Watch

A lot of people don't give British humour (<-- that's how they spell it over there) a chance. That's because it is mostly awful. There are a few exceptions but I have to say that Monty Python is not one of them. Yeah, I said it. Monty Python is overrated. But this guy Ricky Gervais, I don't know if you've heard of him, is pretty hilarious. Check him out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_EXqdJ4L7I


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXTq2_3LfXM

Loose Goose

(AP) WAUSAU, Wis. (AP) - Wausau rescued and arrested a drunken man who plunged into the Wisconsin River while chasing a one-legged goose. The 40-year-old Wausau man told officers he wanted to catch the bird and roast it. He said he took off his shirt and shoes Thursday afternoon and jumped into the frigid water.

Authorities said he was overcome by the cold water and had to be rescued by firefighters. Police said the man had been drinking heavily before the stunt.

The man was arrested on an outstanding warrant for bail jumping. Witness Sergio Lopez works by the river. He said he often sees people jump in the water during hot summer days but rarely in October.

Police told the Wausau Daily Herald that as far as they know, the goose is still on the loose.



This guy needs to learn how to drink. I've chased plenty of birds around when I was drunk. A chicken becomes a bucket of KFC in my eyes but that doesn't mean if I catch it that I can make it become that. And sure I may have ended up in a tree, a lake, or even in a strangers home but I always get myself out of those situations. No one comes to save me. Poor performance drunk man (especially given that there's a warrant out for your arrest).

Also, was this a particularly dangerous goose? Of course the goose is on the loose. It's a wild goose. Geese live loosely.

Beauty Queen

Justin Bieber is ready to give his fans a total beauty treatment.

The 16-year-old singer has partnered with Nicole by OPI to design a collection of nail polishes inspired by his hit songs.

Available exclusively at Wal-Mart starting in December, Bieber's collection of primary color polishes have names like One Less Lonely Girl (lavender), Me + Blue (dark blue) and OMB! (bright red), reports AOL's Style List.

Bieber's first six shades will debut in December, while eight others will hit stores in January.

The teen star, set to release his first book, "Justin Bieber: First Step 2 Forever: My Story," on Oct. 12, will also star in a 3-D movie about his life, due next year.

J-Biebs! This kid has become such a disgusting phenomenon. He's like all the 90's boy bands rolled up into one teenager with perfectly flowing hair. And now a nail polish line, with names for the colors as bad as the titles for his songs. How is Justin Bieber associated with Usher again? Did they meet at dance class? Maybe at a tupperware party? Usher actually has people coaching Bieber on how to manage his success and fame. The only person that should be coaching him is Justin Timberlake, the single person able to make it out of the boy band era with reputation intact.

I think that he's jumping the gun a little bit with his autobiography and a movie about his life (In 3-D of course. Tweens gotsta get their Biebs in every dimension possible). He's only been famous for about a year. That would be like Jonathan Taylor Thomas coming out with a movie about his life right after the second season of Home Improvement.

Permanent Wink

(AP) PHOENIX (AP) - An Arizona woman accidentally glued an eye shut when she mistook super glue for her eye drops. KSAZ-TV said Irmgard Holm of Glendale had cataract surgery a year ago. She was reaching for what she thought was one of her half-dozen eye drop medications. The burning sensation told her immediately something was seriously wrong.

Holm said the eye drops and the super glue bottles are nearly identical.

After putting super glue in her eye, Holm says she tried washing it out. But the quick-drying substance did what it was supposed to and sealed her eye shut.

Holm got to the hospital and staff cut off the hardened glue covering her eye. Once the eye was opened, doctors washed it out to prevent major damage.




Easy mistake if you keep all your tiny bottles together. But given that you're just about blind and the bottles are nearly identical how about you go ahead and keep the eye drops in the bathroom cabinet and the super glue under the kitchen sink. Or just don't do a lot of work with super glue at all. I'm just spit balling here. Maybe don't keep your Krazy Glue, Visine, and Sweet Breath on the same shelf is all I'm saying.

Straight Killer

BRADENTON, Fla., Oct. 4 (UPI) -- A Florida man used water guns and water balloons to spray weed killer on his neighbor's plants because he was owed money for drugs, police said.

Bradenton police said Paul Ewing, 35, was pulled over Thursday for driving with a suspended license and admitted he had been spraying his neighbor's flowers and bushes with Roundup weed killer because he was upset about money the neighbor owed him for drugs, the Bradenton (Fla.) Herald reported Monday.

Ewing, who estimated the landscaping damage at $250, said he used water guns to spray plants in the front yard and threw water balloons into the back yard.

Police said the incidents took place from May 1 to July 1.

Ewing was charged with criminal mischief with property damage and released from Manatee County jail after posting $500 bail.

This guy is real gangster, look at that face. Wait a minute though. Doesn't weed killer come in a spray bottle? Well let's give the guy the benefit of the doubt, maybe he bought the economy size and there was no sprayer. Clearly the necessary action was to purchase a super soaker AND water balloons. I bet he even held the super soaker sideways when he shot the plants. And we all know that drug addicts don't care about anything more than their gardens. This is the perfect revenge. Plus he took two months to do it. Just one water balloon of roundup per week I guess. That way the guy that owes him money thinks that his plants are dying because of his own negligence. A much tastier revenge than if here were to simply rip the flowers out of the ground or let's say if he just punched the guy in the face and demanded his money.

THUG LIFE.

Centennifail

It was going to be a momentous day. A veritable treasure trove of local history, preserved and pristine within a time capsule that was buried beneath Pittsburgh, 100 years ago, just waiting to be opened! Then they opened it and discovered what sounds like the bottom of a dank, muddy river.

The Pittsburgh Tribune-Review says the copper container was removed from the cornerstone of the 100-year-old Soldiers & Sailors Memorial Hall & Museum in the Oakland section of Pittsburgh last week. But inside, officials found 11 cents in change, two lead soldiers, a tattered silk flag - and rotted news pulp, Confederate currency and photographs.

I imagine that pile smelled something fierce too.

But what happened? Apparently, when this particular time capsule was buried, 100 years ago, the top was never soldered shut and all sorts of moisture got inside. City officials were undeterred however, and plan to seal a new capsule, with new junk, for a new unsealing 100 years from now. [SFGate]

What's one more disappointment to a dreary city like Pittsburgh? I'm sure they were "undeterred" from this opportunity that only presents itself once every hundred years. Shake it off Pittsburghians (Pittsburghers?). There's always next year... or 3010. Just make sure when you bury your time capsule you are as generous as the previous people of Pittsburgh were with the whopping eleven cents they left!

So don't get down Pittsburghalites. There are good things about your city. You're the second largest city in Pennsylvania. That's... something! Plus you have great sports teams to rally around except for your baseball team, which is suggestively gay and awful. But there's still always Sid the Kid to lead the Penguins and Ben Rapelisberger to lead the Stealing of Virginity.

**and Ben Rothlisberger to lead the Steelers.

Nice Undies

(AP) PHOENIX (AP) - A Phoenix jail inmate was left wearing nothing but pink socks after scaling five fences in an escape attempt before he was captured. The Maricopa County Sheriff's Office says 24-year-old Clayton Thornburg suffered cuts on parts of his body since some of the Durango Jail's fences are 15 feet high and topped with razor wire.

Jail officials said the razor wire had stripped away Thornburg's jail uniform and pink underwear by the time he reached the last fence Thursday morning. He was treated at the Maricopa County Medical Center.

Authorities said Thornburg likely will face an additional felony charge of escape, which can add up to five years to an inmate's sentence. They said Thornburg was in jail for an extensive number of property crime charges.

He suffered cuts on "parts of his body." Hmm... wonder what parts got cut. As if getting caught after your escape from jail isn't bad enough, they have to let everyone know that he was wearing pink underwear and socks. The nice reporters at Phoenix wanted to make sure that people knew, this inmate doesn't just wear socks and underwear. He wears pink socks and underwear. Forget about how he escaped, the guy had pink underwear.

Little Business

(AP) PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) - A county official in Oregon has apologized after a 7-year-old's business venture was soured because health inspectors shut down her lemonade stand.

Multnomah County Chairman Jeff Cogen, the county's top elected official, said Thursday that running a lemonade stand is a "classic iconic American kid thing to do."

He says he called Julie Murphy's mother, Maria Fife, to offer his apology and says she appreciated it.

Fife helped her daughter set up a lemonade stand last week at a local arts fair in northeast Portland. They had to pack up and leave after being approached by two inspectors who said the stand lacked a license.

Cogen says while the inspectors were doing their job, the rules are meant for professional food service operators. He adds he ran lemonade stands as a child.

Serves that kid right. What if someone had bought lemonade mixed on the side of the street and got some dirt in their dixie cup. I bet her ice cubes even had little dark specks in them. Smug little girl deserved to be shut down. Little kids think they can just do whatever they want and get away with it. Then they expect an apology after they do something that threatens public safety. I hope they trashed her stand after they shut her down.

Damn Cleaners

FORT WALTON BEACH — A 63-year-old man was arrested July 13 on charges of battery.

On June 29, the man went into Aunt Susan's Laundry on Hollywood Boulevard and asked the woman working if he could show her some stains on his clothing and the woman agreed, according to an Okaloosa County Sheriff's report.

The man also asked for Shout Triple-Acting stain remover to spray on his clothes. The woman handed him the bottle, which had only a small amount of remover left.

The man became angry and yelled at the woman, "How are you going to get the (expletive) stain out? You guys didn't get it out last time!"

The woman said her manager could bring in another bottle of stain remover, but the man continued to yell obscenities and curse at the woman.

The man also picked up the stain remover bottle and threw it at the woman hitting her in the leg causing the liquid to spill onto the floor.

The man was later contacted by phone. He told deputies he was on his way out of town.

When the deputy requested the man return or he would get an arrest warrant the man stated, "Do your warrant then!"

Well that was silly. How is Auntie Susan going to get the stain out if you spilled the Shout!? You can't get mad. Shout is the number one stain remover! I'm sure that even though the bottle didn't have much liquid left that there was another bottle or two in the back. And "shout it out" is just their slogan in case you were confused. You aren't supposed to throw the bottle and yell, doesn't work that way.

You should probably learn to pick your battles. Yes dry cleaners are annoying, don't get stains out, and break the buttons on shirts a lot but maybe don't get arrested for a stain. Just a thought.

Comedian to Watch

This is Myq (sounds like Mike) Kaplan, a BU alum. Weird name and a dorky guy but very funny. Check out the videos "Squares or Rectangles," "Fighting Ignorance," and his Last Comic Standing performance on his web page.

http://myqkaplan.com/

Cabernet From Cleavage Valley

There’s now a perfect gift for the girl who has everything -- including a desire to secretly drink while simultaneously getting a breast lift, the New York Daily News reported Thursday.

The Wine Rack, a sports bra with a plastic “bladder” that can hold an entire bottle of wine, is featured at the BaronBob.com website. “You won’t find this at Victoria’s Secret,” Paul Krasulja of BaronBob boasted to the paper.

“I don’t consider it fine looking lingerie. But it is a good looking piece.”

He won’t get many arguments about the good looking part. Basically the $29.95 device is a black sports bra with a polyurethane bladder inside and a drinking tube long enough to sip from. Add liquid, and the website promises you will “turn an A cup into double D’s.”

And where, exactly, would you want to sport this piece of equipment? The website suggests filling it with wine or cocktails and wearing it to “movies, concerts, ball games, even PTA meetings.”

Are you a lonely housewife who loves to drink and also wishes she had fuller breasts? Are you a high school girl that loves to be drunk at every social event and also really wants bigger boobs? Are you a female alcoholic looking for a way to drink and have larger ta ta's at the same time!? If so, then the "The Wine Rack" is for you!

I think that this product has a major flaw. The woman starts with double D's and as she gets drunker they go back down to A's. If everyone else is sober, then a man will sure as hell notice when a girl with double D's suddenly becomes flat chested.

But I do love that they are marketing this for women who are forced to go to sporting events they are pretending to like. Then there are the PTA meetings, which without a bottle of wine to slug down must be unbearable. Stupid kids, cutting into mommy's drinking.

Follow the Hallway for Free Hugs and Candy!

Comedian to Watch

The comedian this week is Jim Gaffigan and if you haven't seen him yet then now is your chance. This guy is a seasoned veteran and it shows. He's had several spots on t.v. and in movies along with a ton of comedy specials. Below are two links to his comedy on youtube. Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-o-u4IwXkbE&feature=channel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1B59KNDH0o&feature=related

New Take on Lasagne

It is the snack that draws together the best of British with the very finest of Italian in the most unlikely combination.

Supermarket giant Tesco has come up with a 'limited edition' carb-rich lasagne sandwich.

The supermarket claims it is a world first and has even presented it as a 'healthy option'.

Promotional images of the sandwich released ahead of its launch yesterday showed the nutritional information on the packet displaying just 87 calories and 4.1g of fat.

In reality it has 565 calories, more than a quarter of the maximum recommended for an adult man per day.

The fat content is 26.9g, almost 40 per cent of a man’s maximum. This means that one Tesco lasagne-sandwich is the equivalent of two McDonald’s cheeseburgers, which add up to 595 calories and 24g of fat.

Yum! Nothing beats a ground meat and noodle sandwich. I love me some pre-made sandwiches.

What are the chances this tastes good? Probably slim. I'd much rather have a KFC Double Down. At least that cheesy meat stack looks like a guilty pleasure. The lasagne sandwich looks like a pbj gone wrong.

This Looks Safe

It's Just Medicine

A 62-year-old woman was arrested Wednesday for allegedly having 30 pounds of marijuana at her south Jackson home.

Millie Steverson is charged with possession of marijuana, possession of cocaine, possession of ecstasy, receiving stolen property and convicted felon in possession of a concealed weapon, Hinds County Sheriff Malcolm McMillin said.

The drug bust occurred at Steverson’s home at 2665 Milo Ave. following a tip by a concerned citizen, McMillin said.

Upon searching the home deputies discovered the marijuana, crack cocaine and ecstasy pills, a handgun and a stolen 2008 Lexus.

McMillin said the street value for the drugs is estimated at $200,000.

Steverson told authorities the marijuana was for personal use to treat her glaucoma, McMillin said.

Yeah that weed is for medicinal purposes only. Yep, all 30 pounds of it. Yeah the crack is too... and the ecstasy. Surprisingly enough, the combination of crack, ecstasy, and weed really makes the glaucoma easy to deal with.

You can really only stretch that lie so far. Does her glaucoma explain why she stole a Lexus and probably did so at gunpoint. She couldn't at least get a newer model? Let's be serious, if you're stealing a Lexus you have the get a '10 model. I bet all the other woman drug dealers in their 60's laughed at her.