Thuggin

MANGUM, Okla. (AP) - A southwestern Oklahoma sheriff is dressing county inmates in hot pink jumpsuits as a deterrent to crime and to make them easier to spot.

Greer County Sheriff Devin Huckabay says the new suits replace the faded and tattered orange jumpsuits worn until now.

Huckabay says male inmates "don't like wearing them" and that the snazzy jumpsuits therefore are an incentive to not break the law and wind up in jail.

He says the prisoners wearing pink are also "hard to miss" and so can be easily managed when working on community projects or being transferred.

The prison yard is going to look like a bunch of 2002 Cam'ron's. They should have to drive to their community projects in all pink Range Rovers too.

I don't know how much the color of a jumpsuit is going to deter people from committing crimes, by the way. If the thought of getting anally raped, beaten, shanked, or just being stuck away from society hasn't already altered your behavior then I don't think this Purple Haze era jumpsuit will make a difference. Hey I got an idea! Next year we can spray paint their heads and give them silver jumpsuits. Nobody wants to look like Sisqo. Right?

About Time

CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa (AP) - Traffic cameras have snapped 26 local patrol cars speeding and running red lights in eastern Iowa. Cedar Rapids Police Chief Greg Graham said six officers have been issued letters of discipline because they didn't have their patrol car's lights and sirens operating when they were speeding to a call. He said five were not violations and that the remaining 15 instances are under review.

Cedar Rapids police also have notified Marion police and the Linn County sheriff's office of possible violations by their personnel, and are investigating infractions by city buses and a garbage truck.

Marion Police Chief Harry Daugherty said the authorities must be "consistent and show no favoritism."

I see this nonsense all the time. At the very least put your lights on and pretend that your on your way somewhere important. But sometimes I see cop cars do that for the the five seconds it takes to get through an intersection and I can't say that doesn't irritate me. I hope all 15 of those "other instances" result in heavy fines. I even saw a cop today driving in New York and talking on his cell phone. Pretty sure that's been illegal here for a while. I'm tired of them roaming around breaking laws in front of our faces without any consequences. Cops are just kids who were picked on in school that couldn't wait to have some sort of authority when they grew up. I say we catch them on this stuff more often, start picking on them again. We all have cell phones with cameras on them these days. Do your civic duty and catch a cop in the act of a crime!

Major League Eater

Takeru Kobayashi, the 32-year-old Japanese dynamo, is at odds with Major League Eating, the group that officiates what's widely regarded as the Super Bowl of American gluttony. "We are trying to come to an agreement. We are at an impasse," Rich Shea, co-president of MLE, told AOL News. "We know the fans want him."

The 160-pound gustatory god stunned the world in 2001 when he doubled the world record by eating 50 hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes. Kobayashi would go on to win the coveted mustard-yellow belt at Coney Island six consecutive times. But in the past four years, Joey Chestnut of California has eaten him under the table, woofing down an amazing 68 franks and buns in just 10 minutes last year, leading some to believe the former hot dog champ has turned chicken.

MLE won't say what the sticking points are as it negotiates with Kobayashi's lawyers. But Shea indicated that it's no different than what goes on in other sports. "Certainly, you wouldn't see Tom Brady compete in arena football a week after the Super Bowl," he said.

Competitive eating is not a sport. There, I said it. It's nothing but gluttony. But it sure is fun to watch. I know I couldn't eat more than four or five hot dogs and how this man can eat 50 of them in 12 minutes I can't even comprehend. But it isn't the actual eating I enjoy watching, it's the thought of what they will feel like later and what they're next trip to the bathroom will be like that I really enjoy. Still though, Kobayashi is no Joey Chestnut. You can't out eat an American! Eating is our thing and you can't take that away from us.

By the way, good one Shea, comparing Kobayashi to Tom Brady. Classic. I don't think anyone believes that the MLE is synonymous with the NFL. Nice try though.

Wait, What?

Police said a 30-year-old woman apparently fell out of a third-story window, landed on her parked car, and then walked into a neighbor's house, where she fell asleep on a couch for two hours. Lakemoor Police Chief Mike Marchese said family members believe the woman woke up before dawn Thursday and fell through the screen while opening a third-floor window.

Marchese said the woman bounced off the hood of her car, walked through a neighbor's open garage door and went into the house.

The neighbor found her asleep two hours later and called 911.

The woman, whom police have not identified, was taken by ambulance to Centegra Hospital-McHenry. Marchese said she was not suffering from any life-threatening injuries, but he did not know her condition.

Is it just me or does there seem to be some information missing here? A lot of the time when I reference articles I only quote a paragraph or two but this is the entire article and it seems to be taken a little lightly in my opinion. This is totally insane. People don't fall out of buildings very often.

How the hell did she survive that fall? Does her car have a trampoline hood? Did she bounce to a standing position? Was she tired before she fell? Does falling three stories bring about intense sleepiness?

The only possible explanation is that she's a super hero tired from a long night of crime fighting.

Dirty Money

Last week, we reported that Steve Wilson, of the St. Louis company DoodyCalls Pet Waste Removal, found $58 worth of chewed currency in a pile of doggy doo. And it turns out that these now-famous bills might be worth far more than $58 to the Humane Society of the United States. Dog owner Karen Linn is auctioning the actual bills, eaten by her dog Fozzie, on eBay. She wants to use the money that was consumed by her own rescued shelter dog to help shelter dogs across the nation.

But that's not her only motivation. "I want to draw attention to the fact that if you're not careful, your dog can chew up and swallow just about anything," Linn said. Money isn't the only thing Fozzie, her golden-doodle -- a golden retriever and poodle mix -- has eaten. "He once ate one of my bras," she told AOL News, adding that the 110-pound pooch passed the entire garment in one piece.

Unbelievable. The nerve of some people. She's auctioning off money that her dog ate to raise awareness to the fact that dogs sometimes eat things that aren't food. I think the only person that needs to be more aware of the situation is you, Karen. Maybe instead of this stupid waste of time auction you could just not leave your bras laying around everywhere and maybe put your money in your wallet. Another idea is to actually train your dog to not eat things in your house that aren't dog food. It sounds to me like you have a dumb ass dog that you're probably starving to death. So call off the auction because no one wants your crap covered cash.

Say it Ain't So!

LOS ANGELES, Calif. -- Amanda Bynes is done acting, the 24-year-old star announced on Twitter.

"Being an actress isn't as fun as it may seem," she tweeted from her verified account. "If I don't love something anymore I stop doing it. I don't love acting anymore so I've stopped doing it."

Oh no! It can't be true. This is up there with the retirement of Sean Connery and Clint Eastwood. What will the world do without the actress that starred in such gems as Big Fat Liar, What a Girl Wants, and (my personal favorite) She's the Man? Where will the world get their entertainment?

I can't think of anything that is more underwhelming than the news of Amanda Bynes retiring. Are Kel Mitchell and Lori Beth Denberg retiring too? Because I'm sure if they were that no one would care either. How what Amanda Bynes tweets is news, I will never know. I'm sure she's going to come out with some mediocre fashion line or fruity perfume sold exclusively at Kmart to fill the void of her second-rate acting.

Step Away From the Bacon

"Rainbow Bacon was invented by Neil Caldwell,"

"You can now accent any dish with a colorful array of bacon, presumably soaked in some sort of dye."

I've made my thoughts on Bacon clear before. I love bacon and think it is an amazing compliment to breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But I also believe that bacon is fine just the way it is. I've almost converted vegans back to meat because of bacon. That's how good bacon is. But for some reason people keep trying to change this delectable fatty meat.

There must be a guy hired to help bacon expand into areas of the market it doesn't belong (like chocolate bacon or baconaise) and he needs to relax. There is no need for rainbow bacon. Listen to me bacon man! Don't you remember the colored ketchups Heinz came out with? If you don't remember, that makes sense because they were shit. I was a kid when they came out and I didn't think they were cool. Kids aren't going to like rainbow bacon, chefs aren't going to like rainbow bacon, and adults are too set in their ways to buy a pack of rainbow bacon. So, bacon man, why don'y you focus on converting vegetarians and vegans back to meat, or at least back to bacon, before you start soaking the best part of any meal in food coloring.

Uh Oh! Spaghettios

Campbell Soup Co. is recalling nearly 15 million pounds of canned SpaghettiOs with meatballs because of possible under-processing, the U.S. agriculture department said.

The recall includes 14.75-ounce cans with a use-by date between June 2010 and December 2011 of three varieties of the product: "SpaghettiOs with Meatballs," "SpaghettiOs A to Z with Meatballs" and "SpaghettiOs Fun Shapes with Meatballs (Cars)."

The cans were produced in Paris, Texas, between December 2008 and June 2010, and shipped to retail customers nationwide, according to Campbell Soup.

The company discovered the problem during a routine warehouse inspection and investigation, the Department of Agriculture's Food Safety and Inspection Service said.

Well this is just terrible isn't it? These delicious soggy noodles, ketchup, and meat lumps are being recalled, which is awful because I love my low grade meat lumps. What I find most interesting is the production date of the cans being recalled. Anything produced from 2008 to present is dangerous to eat. That means for 2 1/2 years they've been undercooking their meat. During a routine inspection someone walks by the meat and says, "Hey did you guys know that we haven't been cooking the meat?" Clearly there are some quality cooks working over there at the Campbell Soup Co.

What ever happened to spaghettios anyway? I feel like I haven't seen or heard anything about them in the last 10 years. There used to be commercials with a cool 90's style noodle that would skate around the classroom throwing high quality products to all of the children. I always found that much more terrifying and dangerous than cool. Imagine you are in fourth grade and someone mentions they have spaghettios. The next thing you know a 7 foot circular noodle starts grinding and kick flipping around the room, all the while spiking heaving cans at you and your terrified classmates. But hey, at least the meatballs were cooked back then.

Comedian to Watch

I know it's been a while since my last comedian post but this guy is great. His name is Brian Regan. He has a very unique voice with some kind of accent and head bob that you can't help but laugh at. I've posted two of his links below. Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUU9CqrtFiU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9em-ZCddWk&feature=related

Whatsup Blondie?

A 10-foot-tall, totally hairy trespasser on your property isn't the norm. Unless it's Bigfoot. Well, that's what Tim Peeler claims he chased away from his North Carolina mountain house last week. Peeler told NewsChannel36 in Charlotte that he first heard unusual grunting and screeching outside his home. When he investigated the sounds, he said, he got close enough to the unwelcome intruder to poke it with a stick. "The thing was 10 feet tall with beautiful hair, yellowish hair, and a yellow beard," the mountain man recalled.

According to Peeler, who lives on top of a mountain near Casar, N.C., the creature left, but it later returned. He yelled at his unwanted visitor again, he said, and it finally took off. Peeler also noticed the beast had six fingers. Peeler reported that the "beast" approached his dogs and somehow got wrapped up in their chains. "I rough-talked him and said, 'You get away from here.'"

WBTV.com said that Peeler called 911 at 3 a.m. and filed a suspicious person report. "It looked like a giant ape with a man's face, and it made a whistling sound," he told the 911 dispatcher. He was about nine or 10 feet tall with real long arms."

In his 911 call, Peeler added that "This thing was messin' with my dogs and tryin' to get to my back porch. If he comes too close to me, I'm gonna kill him. "Would I get in any trouble if I shot and killed this beast, this animal or whatever it is?"

That's a good question, and one the 911 dispatcher couldn't answer.

Can you believe it? Bigfoot is blonde! This is one of the better stories I've read in a long time. I now know that Bigfoot is blonde, 10 feet tall, and has six fingers on each hand. My favorite part of this article is when the redneck says he "rough talked" Bigfoot. Because when a stubby hick rough talks Bigfoot with lines like "You get away from here," Bigfoot knows to run. Who wants to mess with a redneck with a stick and slightly aggressive statements?

Oh and let me clear something up. If you see Bigfoot you shoot him. I think that should be a given. If you see a 10 foot monkey man walk out of the woods; you don't shake a stick at him, you kill him. Otherwise, you're just another crazy hick.

This Seems Uncomfortable

"Cyclists around the globe jumped out of their trousers and on to their bikes for the World Naked Bike Ride last Saturday, an annual gathering in which bikers celebrate the human body while protesting against cars and oil dependence. Bike riders disrobed in demonstrations in Mexico City, Montreal, Madrid, Paris and Cape Town, South Africa, among other cities, in eye-catching parades intended to draw attention to cycling rights and environmental plights, like the ongoing oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico."

This is why I'm not such a big fan of people. This is a stupid thing to do. Why do these people ride their bikes naked? Why? It's simple. It's because they're stupid and they think that when they ride their bikes through NYC other people, clothed people, will think about their cause. There is no way anyone thinks about anything other than the gross naked person they just saw. When they tell the story later they will say, "I saw a naked guy on a bike. It looked really uncomfortable." So good work guys. Everyone now knows that they should pay attention to some policy about religion or something or maybe it was a restriction on rights for your testicles to be free. Could have been gay rights. Who knows?

2K Sports

The common practice of sports video games is to place the hottest sports star of the year on the cover of the next year's video game. People like Chris Drury (for NHL 2K2) and Kobe (NBA 2K10) grace the covers. But something very interesting is happening with the upcoming 2K11. A retired player will be on the cover and what retired player is that? Michael Jordan, of course.

Michael Jordan defines what basketball means to me. I mean Space Jam came out when I was 8 years old and if that doesn't win over a generation of youngsters, I don't know what will. But his reign is well over on the court. Someone else should really be on the cover.

Why not Lebron?

Is it because he could potentially be the most overrated player of all time? Fine.

How about Kobe?

He was on the cover last year. Fair enough.

Well then there is Rajon Rondo.

He isn't famous enough yet.

I guess Michael Jordan is the only way to go. He really was that good. I'm sure he will be making money off of this deal because his shoes, car dealerships, basketball team, restaurants, endorsements, and motor sports team just aren't pulling in enough.

Speaking of endorsements; I need to get myself one of those lay flat collars. I don't want any bacon neck action.