Thursday, June 30, 2011

Moving On Up

Readers! I have exciting news. There is a reason this site has not been updating consistently anymore. Joshscomedy is shutting down.

Don't fret!

It is being replaced with a newer, fancier, and funnier site. You can expect this new site to have the classic hilarious news stories, comedians to watch, various funny pictures, but also a few things joshscomedy has never done before.

I will be back soon to let EVERYONE ON THE PLANET know where to go for all things funny.

Watch out people! The funny bomb is about to dropppp.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

You Too!?

Usually I will bring a story from the news that I make fun of or I present a comedian I think is worth your attention. But right now I'd like to share a ridiculous conversation I heard on the elevator just a few moments ago...

My ride started with two people who I found to very repellant and extremely annoying before they even opened their mouths. There was a woman who was slightly older, probably 40's, and a man who was probably in his 30's.

She reminded me of a dirty hippy, with her unkempt hair, long flowy (and dirty) dress, and this look that screamed, "If I open my eyes any wider than this I won't be as chill." It felt like she was forced to grow up and do something so she decided to take classes at some no name college. She's what I imagine a character from the show "Community" would be like if they were real.

This man reminded me of an aggressive dork. He had his backpack straps pulled tight and his chest out, with a baseball cap to top it off. Also, he had on the kind of sandals that are meant for hiking and, given he was in Manhattan, this bothered me as it always does.

These two clearly knew each other and as it goes, weird people stick together. It doesn't matter whether they are really into XBOX or fantasy novels because sometimes there are people that don't even fit into their own social groups. These were those people.

Sometimes when I look at someone and judge them, as I did with these two, I get it all wrong. I assume they fit stereotypes or compare them with people I have dealt with in the past before they have a chance to present themselves as human beings. When I am proven wrong I am surprised but mostly ashamed for being judgmental.

This was not one of those times.

The horrible hippy directed her attention at angry dork. She opened her mouth and simultaneously started swaying her head back and forth, "So how has your week been?"

He is slow to respond but when he finally answers he says, "Not great. My uncle died this week."

To this point I was watching in anticipation. I truly don't enjoy people like this but they remind me of reality television. I would never put on any of those shows that monitor psychotic people that argue about nothing. But if I'm in the room when it is on I don't exactly reach for the remote.

So when I hear this furious nerd has had a death in the family I feel awful that I've been monitoring them. That is until Miss Phish retorts with her eyes bulging out of her head, "Oh my god! No way! My uncle died this week too!"

I'm blown away by this response even though I knew upon seeing her that she was no social whiz. But what makes the conversation so unforgettable is the excited response of, "No way! That's crazy!"

The two then go on to bond over their dead uncles and become in their words, "funeral buddies."

I find great relief when they leave the elevator but instead of blocking out the experience I want to share it with the world. Even though I write and make jokes about people like this constantly, I am still surprised when I run into such nincompoops.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Hot Stuff

This is the man that women fawn over. I don't see it...

Friday, May 6, 2011

Goat Boy

When I first saw this I thought, "Some kid is thinking about his penis in a goat!?" Shocking and pretty disgusting. But then I took a second or two and realized that the child was writing "My pen is in a goat," which makes more sense and put me at ease.

But I was only at ease for a few brief moments when I thought, "Why would a pen be in a goat?" I then decided the child, was indeed, weird and horrifying. That was until I looked at the word jumble and the first thing I saw was my pen is in a goat. So either I'm part of the new twisted generation or there's something off with this little kid brain teaser.

OR the kid could have assumed that the goat ate his pen and I'm alone in making this innocent statement into a horrible thought.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Class Act

A 49-year-old man is in Sullivan County Jail without bail after authorities say he showed up for a court hearing on a felony DWI charge drunk and carrying an open can of Busch beer, plus four more cans in a bag.

The Middletown Times Herald-Record reports that Keith Gruber of Swan Lake was an hour and a half late for his court appearance Monday before Sullivan County Judge Frank LaBuda, who asked him if he enjoyed his "liquid lunch."

Gruber said he did, then said he was sorry.

LaBuda sent him to jail with no bail.

"It was obvious he was intoxicated," LaBuda said.

Gruber, who has prior DWI convictions, was arrested on Dec. 27 in the town of Liberty and was out on $30,000 cash bail.

I congratulate this man. He is a shining figure of Americantude ©. If only I had the moxie to show up to my court date with a cool refreshing American brewed (German owned) Busch. And it wasn't some sissy Busch Light. This was a Busch Classic, no a Busch Original, no! A Busch Heavy, for a bold man who makes bold decisions. He bought a sixer with the intent of finishing all seis of those crisp and delightful cans of U.S.A. sweetness. He didn't stop to think about any repercussions because he lives on the edge, which is probably how he was driving when he got his DUI, on the edge of the guard rail and the road. Patriotically enough, this Grade-A citizen was arrested in the town of Liberty. A prime display of Americantude ©.