No New Ideas

I've heard a lot lately from critics and non-critics alike that Hollywood is out of original ideas. Though, I'm sure the people who claim that Hollywood is out of fresh ideas are simply repeating something they heard on TV. Much like the pompous friend we all have that iterates thoughts from an article they read in the NY Times as if they discovered these new facts and ideas themselves.

Anyway, back to my original point. I've heard a lot about the lack of originality from Hollywood and I've dismissed it as much as I could. But I've come across something today that has brought about a feeling I can only describe with "tisk-tisk" and "Really?"

A favorite childhood board game of mine, Battleship, is being made into a movie in which Rhianna will start her acting career. (Quick thought: Do children play board games anymore?)



"Battleship" offers a fresh take on the classic board game, where naval forces unite on the high seas to battle an alien armada. Taylor Kitsch ("Friday Night Lights") and Alexander Skarsgard ("True Blood") have already been cast as two sailor brothers who partake in the fight.



I can see it now. One battleship full of people will discuss where they should fire because they know there's someone out there... but they don't know where exactly. Meanwhile on a different battleship, far away (somewhere near A5), another group will be discussing the same thing. The two groups will fire into the distance until they find their target, all the while leaving the viewer with a feeling of hopelessness and loss.

Quite possibly one of the least exciting ideas for a movie yet. Battleship does not need a "fresh take" and it does not even need a movie. It's as if execs in Hollywood are sitting around saying to one another, "Name some things that exist already."

"Fast and the Furious?"

"Sure why not? We can make a fifth one. What else?"

"Pirates movie."

"Good Good. Keep 'em coming.

"We could do The Smurfs but make it 3D."

"Great we just need one more."

"Let's make a board game, like battleship, into a movie."

"Great! I'll get Liam Neeson on the phone."


But at least it will be starring Rihanna and Brooklyn Decker, who I'm sure will be wearing very limited amounts of clothing.

Party at my Crib

"I wanted to create a beautiful, tranquil, cozy environment for the babies," Mariah shared, adding, "Everything matches, but pieces are individualized to celebrate the twins as separate entities."

Mariah confessed that designing the nurseries to match her unique vision was a challenge. "I feel like I'm bringing two individuals into the world, so I wanted to do more than cookie-cutter styles in blue and pink." Nick was on board with Mariah's interior design plan, and asked that the twins' cribs be accented with pink and green bedding instead of the traditional pink and blue.



Very modest. Quaint. What newborn baby can survive without a nice sitting area for tea and another sitting area for when you'd like to relax by the crib? Those flowers better be fresh everyday too. Though I don't feel like the cleanliness and detail of this room quite encapsulates how pukey and poopy babies really are. This is a great "Fantasy" Mariah, but you're going to have to "Shake it off" before your "Emotions" are crushed as spit up and inexplicable stickiness covers that lavish and luxurious baby suite.

PUN! PUN! PUN!

That said, I love the giraffe.

Here We Go

I have not been as active I could be with my blog in recent weeks. I have reasons but they are basically just excuses. So here I am. I am back and I am ready to share my witty, charming, insightful (usually stupid) words with the world, or whoever it is that actually reads my dribble.

Ok, so there are plenty of things I have seen in the last few weeks that have made me think, "What...?"

Something I read today made chuckle a bit in disbelief.


Tea activist and OC County GOP official Marilyn Davenport has apologized for sending out a racist image of President Obama.

According to KABC, Davenport issued a statement late Monday in which she apologized, but stopped short of addressing her future on the committee.

"I humbly apologize and ask for your forgiveness of my unwise behavior," the statement said. "I say unwise because at the time I received and forwarded the email, I didn't stop to think about the historic implications and other examples of how this could be offensive."


Hilarious. Obama is a monkey and it works because he's black. That's not racist is it?

Uhh... yeah that's racist. You might as well send a picture of him with a bucket of fried chicken, some fresh cut watermelon, and a caption underneath reading, "Let me axe you something."

Those who are not racists are well aware of racist stereotypes and insults. You got caught, Marilyn. Woops!

I'm not sure if it's because we are able to move information so quickly and more freely every day or if it's because people are getting dumber but it seems to me people in the government have been failing quite a bit lately. Hookers, blow, gay bathroom sex, false claims about what planned parenthood actually does (Senator Jon Kyl), and racist chain emails.

It makes me proud to be an American.

Beauty Shots

According to a statistic I heard about from a friend of mine, who said they heard from the t.v., one in every three relationships right now started from an online dating site. I believe it. I know that that since I registered with the proper authorities to date I've been contacted by the dating bureau once every quarter about where I met my girlfriend. They are very thorough.

Well, given that these online dating sites have been flourishing (according to someone), what better time to release the camera that erases all flaws.

This is the magazine cover camera. Everyone can be a cover girl!

While I find this to be a cool feature, I think it can be a little misleading. The wrinkle eraser could turn a Coca-Cola junkie, chain smoking, prune faced maniac into a bright eyed, white smiled, smooth skinned princess. This camera could turn Patty and Selma into Jessica Rabbit and I don't think that will make for a lot of happy first dates for online daters.

Best of luck to the online dating world with this little gem on the market.

New Jokes in New York City

All new jokes in an an all new city. This is my performance at Laugh Lounge.

Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-Rer-Z-RH4