Quack

Aflac is betting a sales manager from Minnesota has the voice to drive the name "Aflac" into the recesses of your brain and keep it there.

Daniel McKeague, 36, a father of three from Hugo, Minn., beat out 12,500 other contestants to replace actor Gilbert Gottfried and become the new voice of the reinsurance company's duck mascot.

Gottfried voiced Aflac's duck for U.S. audiences for 11 years but was ousted in March after making insensitive remarks on Twitter about the earthquake and tsunami in Japan, which produces about 75 percent of Aflac's revenue. Aflac soon announced a contest for Gottfried's replacement, though the actor who has long offered a gentler interpretation of the duck for Japanese audiences will continue.



For those of you that don't know, Gilbert Gottfried is a famous comedian/actor and was the voice of Iago (What I thought was Yago) in Aladdin. I had to look up how to spell Iago and I was shocked at what I found. I've had it wrong in countless writings for years. That hurts Disney. I told my self never again after Zazu... That's a Lion King reference folks.

But as far as the Aflac duck goes, it's probably time to hang up the hat on that old bird. It has been 11 years of a duck quacking, maybe give it a rest. To be honest I'm tired of seeing it but I don't find it nearly as annoying as the Capital One commercials. Those commercials have been running just as long but make absolutely no sense.

Here's a very brief rundown of mascots...

Aflac Duck- The mascot is a duck because ducks quack and that sounds like Aflac. (Fine)


Geico

Caveman- It's so easy a caveman could do it. (Self explanatory)

Gecco- Sounds like Geico. (Fine)

Googly Eyes- Eyes are matched to song with lyrics, "...watchin' me." (Fine)

(Yes, Geico has three different mascots and I bet you didn't even notice.)


Capital One Vikings- Have nothing to do with anything!


By the way, I have posted what Mr. Iago tweeted below. You can decide whether it's funny or worthy of being fired over.



"I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, 'They'll be another one floating by any minute now.'"

In another tweet, he wrote, "Japan is really advanced.They don't go to the beach.The beach comes to them."

The stream of Gottfried's tasteless jokes continued: “I was talking to my Japanese real estate agent. I said, ‘Is there a school is this area?’ She said, ‘Not now, but just wait.’”

Cruel and Unusual

As a result of being found in violation of probation, Lindsay Lohan will be collecting trash, emptying trash bins, mopping floors and cleaning windows and restrooms at the L.A. County Department of Coroner's facility.

"She won't be handling any dead bodies but she'll certainly see them,” Coroner Assistant Chief Ed Winter tells People of the actress, 24, who also has been ordered to complete 360 hours of service at the Downtown Women's Center, a homeless shelter located in L.A.'s Skid Row.

Lohan must enroll in the two programs within a week and has a year to complete them, according to People.

The actress – who previously completed a DUI morgue program following her second drunk-driving conviction 2007 – remains free on $75,000 bail (she was sentenced to 120 days behind bars Friday).




Note that the article refers to her as Lindsay Lohan, and not Lindsay as she had hoped. This is because she is a bona fide train wreck of a person. Maybe the dead people will scare her into becoming a better person but I have my doubts.

It's a very simple equation. Don't drive drunk/ don't violate probation/ don't hit people or things with your car/ don't do drugs all the time and you won't have to clean up the dead person's home. Now I know this can be confusing to someone who has been at the top of the world with cinema classics like "Freaky Friday" and "Herbie Fully Loaded." I don't know what my life would be like if those movies were never made. I'm guessing I wouldn't have seen the previews? That's probably all that would change.

So she's a mediocre actress, she's not hot anymore (stop being blonde), and she fails to understand basic social standards/rules. I have to imagine that she would get along very well with Gary Busey.