No New Ideas

I've heard a lot lately from critics and non-critics alike that Hollywood is out of original ideas. Though, I'm sure the people who claim that Hollywood is out of fresh ideas are simply repeating something they heard on TV. Much like the pompous friend we all have that iterates thoughts from an article they read in the NY Times as if they discovered these new facts and ideas themselves.

Anyway, back to my original point. I've heard a lot about the lack of originality from Hollywood and I've dismissed it as much as I could. But I've come across something today that has brought about a feeling I can only describe with "tisk-tisk" and "Really?"

A favorite childhood board game of mine, Battleship, is being made into a movie in which Rhianna will start her acting career. (Quick thought: Do children play board games anymore?)



"Battleship" offers a fresh take on the classic board game, where naval forces unite on the high seas to battle an alien armada. Taylor Kitsch ("Friday Night Lights") and Alexander Skarsgard ("True Blood") have already been cast as two sailor brothers who partake in the fight.



I can see it now. One battleship full of people will discuss where they should fire because they know there's someone out there... but they don't know where exactly. Meanwhile on a different battleship, far away (somewhere near A5), another group will be discussing the same thing. The two groups will fire into the distance until they find their target, all the while leaving the viewer with a feeling of hopelessness and loss.

Quite possibly one of the least exciting ideas for a movie yet. Battleship does not need a "fresh take" and it does not even need a movie. It's as if execs in Hollywood are sitting around saying to one another, "Name some things that exist already."

"Fast and the Furious?"

"Sure why not? We can make a fifth one. What else?"

"Pirates movie."

"Good Good. Keep 'em coming.

"We could do The Smurfs but make it 3D."

"Great we just need one more."

"Let's make a board game, like battleship, into a movie."

"Great! I'll get Liam Neeson on the phone."


But at least it will be starring Rihanna and Brooklyn Decker, who I'm sure will be wearing very limited amounts of clothing.

Family Life

Last year, Crystal said her ex-husband showed pornography on a home computer to their two girls, who were eight and nine years old at the time. It happened in Randall County in West Texas.

Crystal believes the incident happened last February. She learned about it months later because her daughters told a counselor. Immediately Crystal contacted police. She wanted prosecutors to file charges against her ex-husband, but there was a roadblock.

Texas law says minors can view pornography if they're accompanied by a parent or guardian. It was originally designed to allow for sex education.

Crystal has partnered with the Dallas-based Lillian Smith Foundation, a family violence foundation, to get the law-re-written. "I think it needs to say it's illegal for all adults to show children porn," said JJ Smith, the President of the Lillian Smith Foundation.

Everyone hurry! Get the popcorn! The movie is about to start. Now honey, that's what is called foreplay. Looks fun doesn't it? One day you can look just like that lady. You might not grow boobs like her but hers aren't real anyway. You can just buy a pair of your own. What's that? Oh that's called doggy style! It's how puppies are made, hehe.

Can you imagine anything creepier than this? I don't believe there is a strictly educational porno that exists. There is no way someone thought that this was a good idea for educational purposes but this is Texas we're talking about. One would think this would be an easy law to repeal but Texas is also the state that allows you to drink with your parents, so maybe I'm completely wrong. Maybe Texas is very (creepily) family oriented.

Family first!

Couple of Things to Watch

Today was very interesting. I saw one of the coolest visual effects videos I've seen in a long time. It's a cool take on retro video games crossed with modern New York City, called "Pixels." It's one of those things that made me happy to watch... unfortunately I also saw THE MOST horrifying and disturbing movie trailer I've ever seen. The movie is called "The Human Centipede." I saw the trailer about 12 hours ago and I can't get the images out of my head. This movie is like a feature film version of two girls one cup crossed with Hostel. I don't understand why someone wrote the script, why someone read the script, or why someone decided to make the movie. There is a group of sick and twisted people involved with this production. I've put the links to the videos below. The first video is the awesome video game mash up video and, if you're up to it, the second is the Hollywood's demented flavor of 2010.

http://www.onemoreproduction.com/video/1/210.html

http://trailers.apple.com/trailers/independent/thehumancentipede/

The New Kid

Every year it seems that some studio decides to remake a classic film. Sometimes it can be a great success like with Ocean’s 11, which starred George Clooney and Brad Pitt who were just too cool. Honestly, every guy wants to be Danny Ocean or Rusty Ryan. Another successful remake was Pride and Prejudice, which was kind of gay but it did get nominated for a few Academy Awards.

But most other times you get trash movies like Bad News Bears, a waste of time, The Day the Earth Stood Still, another movie with Keanu Reeves making the same exact facial expressions as always, Rollerball, just sad, or Prom Night, which was just another shitty horror movie. The shit list is far longer that the list of successful films. But while we are on the subject of Keanu Reeves I would like to point out that I find it fascinating this guy finds work. I mean the guy has been nominated for six Razzies and an Oscar doesn’t seem to be in his future. Any movie with him as the lead actor is sure to be a bust.

So Mr. Reeves may or may not have caused the failure of every film he’s been in and is possibly the worst actor in Hollywood but lets talk about Jackie Chan instead. He had those Rush Hour movies that were decent, but nothing great, and he was the voice of the monkey in Kung Fu Panda and I guess that’s pretty cool.

But is pretty cool good enough to replace Mr. Miyagi!?

Yes, it’s true. There is going to be a new Karate Kid and Jackie Chan will be playing Mr. Han, the reincarnation of Mr. Miyagi and Ralph Macchio’s replacement will be Will Smith’s scrawny little kid, Jaden Smith. I just hope Columbia Pictures doesn’t completely ruin something we all love.

Everyone knows The Karate Kid. Wax on Wax off. Come on!

The movie is going to take place in China but otherwise it is the same plot. So the question is how can this movie be better?

Lines that reference pop culture? Sweet camera angles? Better acting? Is there going to be a line better than wax on wax off? Well they’ve tried to make a new lasting line anyway, with “jacket on, jacket off.”

The movie doesn’t look all that bad but I worry that Ralph Macchio is still too close to our hearts. The new version better be more than good or I have a feeling a lot of people will be unhappy.

Here is a link to the movie trailer. You can decide for yourself what you think of “jacket on, jacket off.”

http://www.traileraddict.com/trailer/the-karate-kid-2010/trailer