Classroom Hero

This semester I have been a part of a lecture that is as dry as saltines. It’s a 90-minute class that could prompt a sloth to get up and run away. Every student, since the history of learning, has taken a subject that they didn’t find absolutely riveting and in every one of these classes there has been “that guy.”

It’s difficult to give a perfect definition for “that guy” and I could spend days writing pages upon pages about all of the different types but for now I would like describe “that guy” as he is related to the classroom. The term “that guy” is a general term but when he is in the classroom I like to call him the classroom hero. The classroom hero is bothersome, irritating, annoying and, quite simply, he is a douche.

There are many breeds of the classroom hero but I am going to first describe the specific one I have grown to detest. This unsavory gentleman is from my lecture and he makes the 90-minute experience not only dry but painful too. He is the chap that loves to pipe up in lecture so that he can make a comment. However, I’m convinced he only wants to hear his own voice, which he finds particularly hilarious. He will make a sarcastic and idiotic joke and he is convinced that he has blessed us all by speaking. When he is letting out his laugh, that pierces and twists around in my chest like a corkscrew, it is clear that he believes his ridiculous idea of humor is actually funny. He has an unjustified air of confidence but is only met with blank stares of disbelief when he speaks as all normal people wonder how this person exists and where he came from.

We have all seen this behavior from our prospective classroom heroes over the course of our academic careers but for some reason we are always surprised. Students will roll their eyes in disgust and find themselves in a conversation with another student about how awful the classroom hero is as a person. I have actually made some of my friends this way. Yet as much as this person’s awkwardness surprises us, we are just as shocked to see someone identify with him. And there is always someone that breaks the silence with an awkward giggle.

This is where our classroom hero gets his confidence. Normal people understand that if you make a joke in front of 100 people and only two of them laugh, then it is not a funny joke. Normal people understand the concept of trial and error. This is not the case for the classroom hero. He only needs one or two people to laugh for him to feel like he’s receiving cheers at Madison Square Garden. These people do not understand regular social interactions so they will never understand that silence and rolling eyes is a bad thing. I believe the only way to handle it is irregularly. They must be booed. Boo these men whenever you can. This is the only way they can comprehend what is happening around them.