Eat Fresh

There are those who hate their jobs and those who love to hate their jobs. Chris says he is a Subway sandwich maker who falls into the latter category, putting in extra work to make your sandwich suboptimal. He eats your pain with relish. Here's what he does to your sandwich:

I've been working at subway for about a year and a half, and it always amuses me when people complain about not tessellating cheese [ed. see "]. Now, merely to amuse myself, not only do I not tessellate the cheese, but I also leave gaps in the cheese placement so that an indeterminate amount of your bites will be cheeseless.

Also, I put a really small amount of dressing on your sandwich whenever you ask for it. Then when you ask for more, I squirt out a large quantity before you can say stop so that your sandwich has far too much dressing.

Then, when I cut the sandwich in half, I only cut it 3/4ths of the way through so that you have to messily tear the rest of the sandwich yourself.

What a dick! How could he do this to people? One bite with cheese and the next without! I've always had my suspicions that the people at fast food restaurants were evil. I hoped deep down that the people at Subway and McDonald's thought of themselves as sandwich artisans and burger craftsmen. But this guy has confirmed my suspicions. This must be why when I ask for no pickles at McDonald's I seem to always get extra pickles and why when I order iced tea at Burger King they give me fruit punch.

By the way, how exciting is it that Subway is going to tessellate their cheese? I just have to go ahead and look up what tessellating means and I'm sure I'll be thrilled.